Three weeks ago, my wife and daughter left for a one-week faith journey to Guatemala. Their departure meant Timothy and I were on our own. I think this fact made Mama more nervous than flying, leaving the US, and possibly contracting Typhoid fever all combined!
As providence would dictate, our air conditioner gave up the ghost and temperatures began to soar. Not to fear. Male ingenuity kicked in as Timothy and I sat in front of our open refrigerator wearing boxers while feeding from the door -- whipped cream, pickles, butter, olives. No challenge was too great for us. Eye of the tiger, baby.
While I clearly received no parting instructions on nutrition, my wife did provide one simple task for me to accomplish while she was out of the country. Potty train Timothy.
Bye bye Toy Story Pampers. Hello Spiderman Underoos.
I seized the first opportunity to usher in this right of passage.
As Timothy and I lounged in the backyard, I said Timothy, "Now son, if you have to use the bathroom, you need to tell me. That way, we can go inside and use the potty."
He said, "OK Daddy."
After a few moments of playing, Timothy turned and said, "Dad, I think I have to use the bathroom." With that, he started to walk toward the house.
Seemed Project Housebreak was an instant success, and in a moment of overconfidence, I decided to call an audible and take things to the next level: Operation Pee Pee Tree.
"Timothy, come back here, buddy," I exclaimed. "Good job heading inside, but let's try something different. Instead of going to the potty in the bathroom, let's see if you can use the potty on that tree over there."
Timothy responded, "OK. I'll try my best, Daddy." What more could a proud father ask for?
Now in my defense, I did have a plan. You see, not only was I going to potty train Timothy, but I was going to impress my wife by teaching our son how to stand while using the bathroom. Made perfect sense at the time.
When Timothy arrived at said tree, he looked back at me as if to say, "What now?"
I said, "OK, bud, now use the bathroom."
He hesitantly dropped his britches and asked, "Like this Daddy?"
"Perfect. You got it bud. Now go ahead and use the potty," I replied.
Yet, out of habit, Timothy began to squat.
"No, No, Timothy," I interjected. "Today, we're going to use the potty like a big boy. You gotta stay standing up and use the potty on the tree."
Although looking rather puzzled, Timothy took a deep breath and said, "OK, Daddy. Here I go."
And in a moment of grand accomplishment, my son stood tall and used the bathroom . . . out his back end.
"Timothy!" I yelled, jumping from my chair. "You're supposed to pee pee on the tree!"
Timothy stated what had become obvious. "But Dad, I don't have to."
Operation Pee Pee Tree had failed. My wife was unimpressed. And now, we're all having to teach Timothy to sit down when he goes to the potty.
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